Being Single: A Blessing or a Curse?

A commentary by Mary Miller

My cousin was recently married in the gorgeous setting of Amish Country—my fourth wedding to attend this summer. It is so exciting to see friends starting the adventure of marriage for a lifetime, but where does that leave those of us who are still single?

I am sure we can all relate to having a longing to belong to someone and feel the loneliness of being single. It may feel like the "curse" of being single will never end. But is singleness really a curse?

At my cousin's house the other night I picked up a book that I read years ago but had forgotten about. When God Writes Your Love Story by Eric and Leslie Ludy has really made me think about my approach to being single.

In our longing to belong to someone, do we forget to focus enough on the One to whom we must ultimately belong? God must be our number one priority, and sometimes He gives us the gift of being single.

I don't know about you, but even being single, I have so much going on and so little time. Being in a relationship of necessity takes up time in our lives to develop, build and maintain that relationship. But being single grants the gift of time...

"He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord—how he may please the Lord. But he who is married cares about the things of the world—how he may please his wife.

"There is a difference between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But she who is married cares about the things of the world—how she may please her husband" (1 Corinthians 7:32-34).

Being single allows us to do many things we may otherwise not be able to:

• Serve others more. There are many ways in our lives in which we can serve God, people and society. While single, we have more time to devote to service outside a relationship.

• Focus on building a more solid foundation in our relationship with God. This needs to be a key part of our lives—"seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you" (Matthew 6:33). God loves us and wants us to put Him first. He also wants the best for us—including for our love lives!

• Develop skills for that future relationship. We each have our own strengths and weaknesses, including those skills needed in a marital relationship. Whether they are physical skills like yard work, home repair, cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc., or emotional and spiritual skills, we all have areas we can improve for when the right time comes.

While being in a relationship leading toward marriage or being married is a great blessing from God, being single can be an immense blessing as well. Keep this in mind as you travel through the next days and months wondering when you will meet that special someone, and be thankful for the time you have been given to draw closer to God and prepare yourself for him or her.


[[[ When God Love Your Love Story by Eric and Leslie Ludy is such a great and lovely book. You can learn so many things. Must read. :) ]]] 

A WOMAN'S QUESTION by Lena Lathrop

Do you know you have asked for the costliest thing
Ever made by the hand above?
A woman's heart, and a woman's life--
And a woman's wonderful love.

Do you know you have asked for this priceless thing
As a child might ask for a toy?
Demanding what others have died to win
With the reckless dash of a boy.

You have written my lesson of duty out,
Manlike, you have questioned me.
Now stand at the bars of my woman's soul
Until I shall question thee.

You require your mutton shall always be hot,
Your socks and your shirt be whole;
I require your heart be as true as God's stars
And as pure as His heaven your soul.

You require a cook for your mutton and beef,
I require a far greater thing;
A seamstress you're wanting for socks and shirts---
I look for a man and a king.

A king for the beautiful realm called Home,
And a man that his Maker, God,
Shall look upon as he did on the first
And say: "It is very good."

I am fair and young, but the rose may fade
From this soft young cheeck one day;
Will you love me then, 'mid the falling leaves
As you did 'mong the blossoms of May?

Is your heart an ocean so strong and true,
I may launch my all on its tide?
A loving woman finds heaven or hell
On the day she is made a bride.

I require all things that are grand and true,
All things that a man should be;
If you give this all, I would stake my life
To be all you demand of me.

If you cannot be this, a laundress and cook
You can hire and little to pay;
But a woman's heart and a woman's life
Are not to be won that way.



***Lena Lathrop

Online date???

Question: Is it wrong and sin to talk to or "online date" with someone that is not a member of our church? I am really confused about dating people who are not members. I know that we should date people within our church, but I want to know more about this.

Answer: Your specific question asks whether it is wrong to chat or "online date" with someone who is not a member of our church. While it is not wrong to "chat" with people via the Internet, such contact with others—particularly people we do not know—is usually not advisable. While we might get advice from a Web site on a particular subject, striking up blind "relationships" online can be very risky and ill-advised. There are just some things we cannot know about people and their intentions when all we do is read written text from them.

As for dating someone outside of the United Church of God, you should seek and follow the advice and direction of your parents. Fundamentally, the Church teaches that people should marry in the faith, and as such, their dating (when they are old enough to do so) should ideally be with other people of like-mind, spiritually.

Often, young people will get interested in someone of the opposite sex who does not share their religious beliefs and will claim "we're just friends." Yet, that is usually the first step to a more serious relationship. As such, we feel that the admonition and principle explained by the apostle Paul in 2 Corinthians 6:14 applies to this situation: "Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?"

Of course, there is much more to the subject of dating that should be considered by a young person.




http://www.verticalthought.org/qa/dating.htm

Baptism just to get married???

God wants us to have lasting marriages and long-lasting marriages bring the greatest happiness, it is important for us to choose carefully whom we marry. The principle of not being unequally yoked (2 Corinthians 6:14), is vital in this regard. While the passage in 2 Corinthians is specifically discussing the contrast between Christ and idols, the principle is likewise applicable to marriage. Marrying someone who shares our religious values provides a very important basis for compatibility.


Regarding baptism, we don't recommend baptism in order to get married. Baptism should be a separate, personal decision one makes because he or she wants to honor God and enter into a covenant with Him. Baptism is the most important covenant we make in this human life. Marriage is likewise a very important covenant, but still not as important as our relationship with God.


Given this perspective, our recommendation is that people seek baptism prior to marriage. Sometimes, as young people consider marriage, they are sobered by the importance of such a decision and, in the process, realize that baptism is also an important step they want to take. Under such circumstances, a minister will usually counsel people for baptism first and then counsel them for marriage.


When young people marry and later get baptized, we are pleased for them, but we wouldn't recommend this as the best course of action. If someone truly wants to obey God, this will include baptism, and the best chance for a happy marriage is to marry someone who likewise wants to fully obey God. While someone may have good intentions about getting baptized, it is also possible that he or she might not. If you are baptized, I'm sure you will want to marry someone who shares your convictions.


As you suggest, the real key is a person's attitude. Some may get baptized simply to marry another person. If they do, this is unethical, and this is why it is important to talk with a potential mate to see if he or she truly is spiritually compatible. What another person says about God and how he or she acts are usually good indicators of his or her true intentions.


-- http://www.verticalthought.org/qa/baptism.htm --